The Book on Luv
By Sofia Barnard
For my psychology class in my college we had an exam. The assignment was to pretend to be writing a book on love. We were given five chapters with a specific topic the teacher chose. We were to write a brief paragraph describing what advice would we have included in the chapter. I decided to have some fun.
Chapter 1. A Mate Aye?
At times it may seem impossible that you will find that one “true love.” You always hear about the love yet you feel all alone; you may as well run away and become a hermit on Mount Kilimanjaro. Dear reader: your being a twerp. A self-centered and self pity-ing twerp. It may shock you, but ALL single adult on this planet is searching for that one “true love,”, some consciously others subconsciously. You shall just have to wait and be patient. (ha, bet that got on your nerves!) If you really are longing for a mate here are some things you may want to consider when getting to know him or her:
- Notice if they are mature. Do they really want to settle down right now or do they agree because the idea is pleasant and they think you have a nice butt?
- Notice if they have the same values as you. Do they see a plate of prosciutto and a glass of wine and gag? Would they prefer hot wings and beer? If you have the same reactions to situations, not just culinary ones, you may be able to live with them.
- Most importantly do they seem to have potential for growth? Are they going to always be the same, say the same things? That may be reassuring but after a year of getting the same responses you shall get bored. It would be like having a stubborn, grouchy teen for an extra 30+ years, stuck in the same old rut!
And so these are my main guidelines, you may create more specific ones. My last advice is this: One day those boobs will sag and his hairline will recede.
Chapter 2. You’re Married?!
She’s not a happy bundle of joy, frying bacon for breakfast every morning?! … He doesn’t bring you a bouquet of flowers and 3 pounds of chocolate after work?! … She likes to blast the Spice Girls when she vacuums?! … He likes to blast death metal while he mows the lawn?! … They’re not perfect!?
Hello you just had a reality check! CONGRATULATIONS!
So marriage … well, there is a reason why some call it the ultimate sacrifice/challenge. Ideally you go into a marriage without any expectations … ideally the lions are friends with the caribou and butterflies and fairies bring you money when you lose a tooth. If it seems like your other half isn’t trying hard enough … stop and realize that they might actually be trying as hard as they can.
If one is working outside of the house all day remember they have to deal with idiots on the street as they commute, on the phone and at work. Whoever is working at home … they hate cleaning as much as you do. The person at home would also like to be released from the four walls they’re encased in and catch some air. Both of you are stressed because you want to accomplish things. The stress levels increase and BAM A FIGHT! If you two truly love each other you will fight. You want everything to be perfect. You raise the bar, push yourself and it’s too much, so overwhelming. If only the other person noticed how much effort you’re putting in. Remember the fight occurred because you love them and want it to work. My advice, buy a bag of chips, ice cream and watch a movie. Marriage is part of life and can be hard. CHILL OUT.
Chapter 3. I used to be engulfed in flames…
Have you two been sprayed by a fire hose? Has the flame dwindled down to the point that you couldn’t melt a marshmallow and make a s’more? … want s’more love?
For this topic my advice is quite cliché. Go and mix things up a bit. Maybe you need to spend more time together, maybe you need to spend less! Sometimes one loses themselves in a relationship, all the investments and efforts you make contribute to the relationship. Please remember that nothing in your life is permanent, but yourself. Go do something you like, alone, If your happy with yourself then talk to your significant other. Ask them whats wrong, maybe they need to go pamper themselves. Put all your best efforts to reignite the flame! Good luck! I hope that soon you shall sing “Burn! Baby Burn!” once again.
Chapter 4. Offspring.
Would you like to be forever responsible for a being that will be rude, cute, sweet, reckless, sarcastic, snargety, dumb and cause your beautiful hair to become gray? (All gray hairs should be attributed to children.) It is a huge responsibility that is literally life consuming and makes you a selfless and humble soul. They may just be the key to heaven. Babies are cute, young kids are funny, preteens are sweetly awkward and teens are self rightous…your call. :)
Chapter 5. homosexual v. heterosexual love.
For the final Chapter, I was assigned to discuss homosexual v. heterosexual love. I concluded that there is only one love. Love is hope.
Sofia is a college student, dancer, and a few weeks away from completing her yoga teacher certification … and if you need any worldly advice, she’s your girl. (Oh, and by the way, she got 100% on this exam).