Wow 2011 … you were a crazy one. With little time for reflection the first half of the year (and no time in 2010), it’s been nice to finally settle a little and figure out exactly what I have learned and realize who I am after the experiences of the last year, actually the last few years.
I am once again in a state of gratitude for all this year has brought me. Although it started with a sad goodbye to India, I am so thankful for the wonderful lifelong friends that I made there, travels to Bali/Thailand, where I met friends that I now can’t imagine life without, a long overdue month with my family in New York, a very happy return to Encinitas, to the ocean that I love, to many new and old inspiring/supportive/loving/creative/talented friends, a new business, an opportunity to write, the process of becoming a yoga teacher, and a new, even greater passion for life and the people in it.
Now that I have been back in Encinitas for a while now, I keep expecting to go back to my old self, to my old ways of thinking, almost wanting them to come back. The other day I finally realized that even though I am physically in the same place I started from (literally 10 feet from where I lived three years ago), through my experiences over the last few years, I will simply never be the same person I was when I left.
Yes, change is a beautiful thing, and growing as a person, yes, also what we all want, but I have to be honest, it hasn’t been easy realizing I had no other choice than to finally say goodbye to a huge part of myself that was never coming back. But, I love New Year’s Resolutions, and I am a big fan of change, so, I am ready for that goodbye, even to some of the lingering old patterns, (you know those annoying ones) that I think I keep around as a comfort thing, that now, just don’t seem natural anymore … and I am so excited for whatever is next.
I have to trust in that, because, what I have experienced, good and bad, amazing and unthinkable, has had such an incredible impact on me. I promise you, not a day goes by without a real moment of gratitude … and that all came from being open to change and letting go, in my case, of literally everything I knew.
Honestly, even though I never could have imagined the last two years, I couldn’t be more thankful for everything, exactly as it has happened. It has brought me to this place I am now, to who I am and continue to become (and by the way, this saying has never been more true … the more you learn, the more you realize how little you actually know).
So, just as I said on December 28th of last year, I still don’t know what’s next, but what I have learned, is not knowing is actually a gift. You just have to accept where you are, because after all, it is you that got you there. The rest, just trust in it, in yourself, and enjoy!
Oh one more thing, since I am going to be around my family in NY over the next week for the holidays, I just wanted to get this out of the way … Yes, I am thinking about a husband and a family and I am sure it will come when the time is right, just as everything else in my life has presented itself. I appreciate you reminding me that I am single though, I forget sometimes when I am busy doing whatever I want, whenever I want. ;) You know I love you all!
I want to thank everyone that has supported my writing this year, allowed me to support you in the creation of the life you want and deserve, or to create growth in the businesses that you love. I wish everyone the most beautiful New Year full of many adventures, inspiring moments, many comfortable moments and some uncomfortable one’s too (I say this from experience, it is truly good for the soul) … and of course much love, happiness, and some things that you haven’t even thought of yet. There is a big world out there … go see some new parts of it this year. Very Happy 2012!
Written with much love and gratitude.